The next day we headed back to the doctors office. I told Nurse H. what had happened with the different formulas. She said that this was actually a good thing, because she was pretty sure what the problem was. Bebe had reflux. All she needed was medicine, and to lay with her head slightly elevated while she slept. She also told us to go back to the original formula. She still told me that the baby needed to eat more as well as faster. I was beginning to dismiss the faster comment. Honestly how do you tell a baby that they need to eat faster, and why did she have to eat faster. Yes, I realize that a baby who eats as slowly as mine can be a problem, but isn't it mostly because it is inconvenient to sit in one spot for an hour. Really, was it the business of anyone, but me, and to a lesser extent my husband, and mother.
Later that week we went in for yet another weight check. Each time I would take her in I would think of her birth weight 7'10", and hope that she had gained it back. Every time I would leave brokenhearted.
While my mom was in town we had to do so much to do. There were so many things that I just didn't know we would need, and some days we would just get home, and realize that we had forgotten something. So, off we would go for more stuff. By Friday the house looked beautiful, and the nursery was final complete. The colors where black, and white, with splashes of red, and bright pink, and the walls were graced by Marilyn Monroe, and Audry Hepburn.
The next day we were off on our first big adventure. My husband had some business to attend to in our home town, So he asked that my mother and I pack up Bebe, and come out for the weekend. Then on Sunday the baby and I would ride back home with him.
We wanted to introduce her to her great grandparents, some of her aunts and uncles, as well as some of her cousins.
We were not sure how her cousins would deal with her, because when they found out that we would be having a baby the reactions were pretty wild. We waited 6 years before we decided to have a child, and the nieces and nephews were used to being the only children in our lives. One child cried, because I wouldn't be fun any more after I had the baby.
Until Miss Bebe the closest thing we had to children were our two beautiful Siamese cats. One child was so confused by the thought of us having a child of our own that they asked excitedly,"Kaysie is going to have kittens?"
Yes, it was sure to be a very wild weekend. The packing was crazy, I never dreamed that one little child would need so much stuff, and the trip itself was no picnic. What had always been a two hour nonstop ride was now a four hour event with so many stops that I can't even remember. I wore sweats for the trip, and Bebe wore her pajamas. she was about seventeen days old.
When we arrived at my moms house she took care of the baby while I cleaned myself up. I mentioned earlier that I would not look down at my stomach until I had been given the green light to exercise at my six week appointment, and I stuck to that. This meant that I typically took showers with the lights out or with the use of a few candles. Then once I was dressed I would turn the lights back on. I felt like I was losing the weight pretty quickly. I wasn't any where near fitting into any of my jeans yet, but on this day I did fit into my size 3 cargo pants, and I was ecstatic that my white button down dress shirt fit me again. It was a little snug on top, but I figured that everyone would understand, because I had just had a child seventeen days ago.
My aunt, and cousin, and my cousins two year old daughter came over to my moms house. the were the first to see Bebe. Then we headed over to my husbands grandparents house. Sophia had a very special bond with both of them long before she was born. Every night of my pregnancy they prayed for both of us, and my husbands grandfather often talked about getting to see her again(like he had already met her)Her would talk about her long black hair, and her big blue eyes.
When Bebe met them she smiled like they were long lost friends. We all laughed, and cried, and celebrated being together.
Then we were off to meet her uncle, aunt, and four of her eight cousins. When we arrived at the house the two middle children were there just waiting to meet the baby. They were so excited to see her. They took turns holding her gently. The youngest swooped in for a peek, and was off to find more adventures.
The oldest excitedly ran into the house. She had been playing at a friends house. The second she entered the door she was telling her little sister that she, being the oldest, got to hold the baby first, and that she wasn't going to tolerate anything else. The other two said that they didn't mind because they had already held the baby. The oldest was noticeably upset by this. My husband and I had dared to defy her wishes. It was unthinkable. My husband went into the other room, and I helped The oldest niece, who was ten at that time, hold the baby. The two girls and I sat and held the baby. Soon it was time for a feeding. I stood up, and gently removed Bebe for the oldest child's arms. The ten year old was looking at me in a way that surprised me. Then she said,"Kaysie it really is too bad......" I asked what she was talking about, and then I was hit with this little gem,"Well I just noticed that you have that big, fat, flabby, mom belly now. I guess it is true that after a woman has a baby her body will never be the same." I stood there with my mouth nearly hanging open out of shock. I managed to retort,"I just had her seventeen days ago."I noticed a little bit of venom slipping into my voice. She said, "I know, and you are still huge." I regained some of my composer, and remembering that I was speaking to an innocent child said,"You do realize that it took my body nine whole months, a little over forty weeks, to change so that I could have the baby. It is going to take nine whole months for me to get back to my pre-baby weight. Even then, you are right, my body will never be the way it used to be."
This was the first time I had said this out loud. It was true I knew it was true. I felt relief. A sudden epiphany of light encircled me. I wasn't the same person. I was different now. Not just in one way. In every way. This one single event was a life time in the making. My body had been dramatically transformed in the last nine and a half months, but so had my mind, and my soul. This little girl had really hit the nail on the head this time. The thing that I didn't expect was that after the initial shock of the comment, I was alright with it. I wanted to be a different person. I wanted to be a better version of myself, and I felt that the transition had already started without my knowledge. I loved my body more now after being a part of this miracle. I really understood the beauty of being a woman, and began to love myself, big flabby mom belly, and all.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Projectile Problems
We had a very nice weekend with my husbands parents, and his mother was amazing. She did a lot of cooking, and even helped me with the laundry. We went to a wedding that weekend. It was nice to get dressed up, I was even able to squeeze into on of my prepregnancy dresses. I had a lot of fun preparing the baby for the outing.
I don't have a problem with people nursing in public, but I couldn't do it myself. Not even with the use of one of those little covers while hiding in the car. I had to be isolated in my nursing station, with lullabies playing, and my snack and drink close by. This made everything more difficult for the people around me, because I could only be out of the house for about an hour and a half at a time. I know I was being a real pill, but I would not compromise.
This also gave me an excuse to do the things I wanted to do. If I needed to nurse I needed to be home. Let's just be honest, the baby was only ten days old, and I really didn't feel like having her at a wedding with tons of new people for an extended period of time.
Bebe and I left early, and when we got to the house one of my very dear friends had driven a very long distance to meet my daughter. I was ecstatic to see her. I fed the baby then we talked, and laughed and joked, and I felt like myself again. We all went out for dinner that night. After dinner my friend drove back to her parents house, which was a two hour drive. Even though her visit was short, I was so grateful for it. It was the most delicious break from a very strict routine. It was a breath of cool fresh air, and just what I needed to feel energised and ready to go again.
The next day my in-laws left, and there were just a few hours between them leaving, and my mother returning for another week. I loved having my mother there. It was like I was a child, and she did everything. I was only in charge of two things feedings, and doctors appointments. That week Bebe had three appointments at the doctors office, and one in home visit from the Healthy Steps nurse. Healthy Steps is a nonprofit program, that helps educate first time parents. I signed up for the program at the hospital, because I knew I needed all the help I could get.
Early Monday morning we got up, and headed for the doctors office. Weight checks were never my favorite thing, and I really just despised going to weight checks for the first few months. They didn't take appointments for them, I just had to drop by in the morning(or afternoon) and wait until someone was late, or canceled. It was terrible, and so hard on Bebe's feeding schedule. On this day we only had to wait about thirty minutes. Then we got Bebe down to a clean dry diaper, and weighed her. She was gaining, but her gain was small, and the other children her age were having huge gains. Bebe had slipped down to about the 16th percentile. Nurse H. came in to see us, and said that it was time to change her supplement to see if maybe she had problems digesting dairy. She recommended that we try several different brands of formula, and try one or two that were soy based. They gave me a few samples, and sent us home. We would be coming back on Wednesday for a weight check, and to see if we could find a formula that would be a better fit.
We took Bebe home, and got back into our routine. This time we fixed her the soy based formula for her supplement. After nursing she took the supplement, and Joy of Joys she drank it all. I felt like the problem was solved. The mystery was no more. I was wrong again. We had several more successful feedings with the soy supplement, just enough that I began to relax. Then a new problem emerged.
Bebe and I were sitting on the couch snuggling. My father-in-law was a sales representative, and was working in the area. He had stopped by to see the baby. everything was so calm. I was holding the baby, and everyone was gathered around the couch watching her. I sat her upright to burp her, and that is when the fun began. She opened her little mouth and a stream of hot projectile vomit sprang out of her. It seemed like an endless torrent of sour milk drenched the couch, my baby and of course myself. Everything was suddenly wild again. The peace and confidence I had felt earlier were shattered. We tried different formulas after that, but the vomiting continued. I was so nervous to take her back to Nurse H. I know it seems strange, but I blamed myself. I told myself that a good mother can feed her baby.
I don't have a problem with people nursing in public, but I couldn't do it myself. Not even with the use of one of those little covers while hiding in the car. I had to be isolated in my nursing station, with lullabies playing, and my snack and drink close by. This made everything more difficult for the people around me, because I could only be out of the house for about an hour and a half at a time. I know I was being a real pill, but I would not compromise.
This also gave me an excuse to do the things I wanted to do. If I needed to nurse I needed to be home. Let's just be honest, the baby was only ten days old, and I really didn't feel like having her at a wedding with tons of new people for an extended period of time.
Bebe and I left early, and when we got to the house one of my very dear friends had driven a very long distance to meet my daughter. I was ecstatic to see her. I fed the baby then we talked, and laughed and joked, and I felt like myself again. We all went out for dinner that night. After dinner my friend drove back to her parents house, which was a two hour drive. Even though her visit was short, I was so grateful for it. It was the most delicious break from a very strict routine. It was a breath of cool fresh air, and just what I needed to feel energised and ready to go again.
The next day my in-laws left, and there were just a few hours between them leaving, and my mother returning for another week. I loved having my mother there. It was like I was a child, and she did everything. I was only in charge of two things feedings, and doctors appointments. That week Bebe had three appointments at the doctors office, and one in home visit from the Healthy Steps nurse. Healthy Steps is a nonprofit program, that helps educate first time parents. I signed up for the program at the hospital, because I knew I needed all the help I could get.
Early Monday morning we got up, and headed for the doctors office. Weight checks were never my favorite thing, and I really just despised going to weight checks for the first few months. They didn't take appointments for them, I just had to drop by in the morning(or afternoon) and wait until someone was late, or canceled. It was terrible, and so hard on Bebe's feeding schedule. On this day we only had to wait about thirty minutes. Then we got Bebe down to a clean dry diaper, and weighed her. She was gaining, but her gain was small, and the other children her age were having huge gains. Bebe had slipped down to about the 16th percentile. Nurse H. came in to see us, and said that it was time to change her supplement to see if maybe she had problems digesting dairy. She recommended that we try several different brands of formula, and try one or two that were soy based. They gave me a few samples, and sent us home. We would be coming back on Wednesday for a weight check, and to see if we could find a formula that would be a better fit.
We took Bebe home, and got back into our routine. This time we fixed her the soy based formula for her supplement. After nursing she took the supplement, and Joy of Joys she drank it all. I felt like the problem was solved. The mystery was no more. I was wrong again. We had several more successful feedings with the soy supplement, just enough that I began to relax. Then a new problem emerged.
Bebe and I were sitting on the couch snuggling. My father-in-law was a sales representative, and was working in the area. He had stopped by to see the baby. everything was so calm. I was holding the baby, and everyone was gathered around the couch watching her. I sat her upright to burp her, and that is when the fun began. She opened her little mouth and a stream of hot projectile vomit sprang out of her. It seemed like an endless torrent of sour milk drenched the couch, my baby and of course myself. Everything was suddenly wild again. The peace and confidence I had felt earlier were shattered. We tried different formulas after that, but the vomiting continued. I was so nervous to take her back to Nurse H. I know it seems strange, but I blamed myself. I told myself that a good mother can feed her baby.
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